Beginning Again...again

Aargh!

Yep, that's how my day started. I've never had a lot of patience for beginnings. I always wanted the event to start, the story to begin, to just get on with it and get into the middle of it all. I remember, while learning Yang, I would look over at the advanced students with weapons in their hands. I'd think to myself, as soon as this instructor finishes droning on about body placement and alignment we can get to the next posture, and the next, and pretty soon we'll be done with this form and I can pick up a dagger.

This morning, I picked up my dagger. I stood and visualized so much of the middle and the end of the form. But then, I couldn't move. I could not remember the beginning. I could remember the transition step out of the beginning and into the first strike. I could remember the end. But I could not figure out how I was supposed to start!

Its a between the chest hug the moon sorta movement, but my hands kept getting mixed up in a whirl pool motion. Frustrated, I tossed my dagger down and picked up the big guns. My beautiful sword. And you can guess what happened. The record's on repeat: I could remember the middle, the rainbow move with the sword, the weaving steps of the end, but for the life of me I couldn't remember how to begin.

Its two weeks before I meet up with the local guru. I shudder to think about going there empty handed -literally! Maybe I'll just work on my I Chin Ching. Can't really go wrong with those. I just need to refuse to get discouraged and slip back into my old habit of pretending this is not really what I wanted, and then move onto the next thing...