Constantly Changing

How can something be the same and different at the same time?

In addition to my Tai Chi practice, I decided to embark upon a 30 day Hot Yoga Challenge. I read an article in O Magazine about a woman who did a 60-Day Bikram Yoga Challenge and said it changed her life. A changed life is all well and good, but what I'm hoping for is consistency. I've had such issues over the last two years with maintaining consistency. I worked really hard for years to earn my black sash, and then I just let it go. Granted, there were extenuating circumstances: messy divorce, cross-country move, and deaths in the family to name the major circumstances. But my practice used to be my escape. I have missed it everyday, but I didn't move. Day in and out, I didn't raise a fist. Time after time, I didn't step into a stance.

I forgive myself for that. I've been carrying a lot around. I'm hopping that 30 days of hot yoga will cleanse me inside and out. I'm gonna start this. I'm gonna finish it. I will be a changed woman, in the sense that I will once more able to hold onto the juxtaposing force that is constant and ever-changing.

Yoga Challenge: Day 1 
In Hot Yoga, they make you look into the mirror. If you are caught trying to hide behind someone, either the teacher will move you or the 'helpful' person in front of you will smile and move themselves over. I did not want to spend 90 minutes glaring at broken down with a few extra pounds me.

When I entered the studio, the space was wide open; only about three students had come in. I sat down, making sure to leave a prime space in front of me in hopes that someone would swoop it up. No one did. I was a few minutes early, so I decided to spend the time meditating. Closing my eyes, avoiding the woman in the mirror, I began thinking about change. I decided to set an intention of gradually shedding the dead layers of old me. I envisioned new me, consistent me, slowly emerging as the dead skin was washed away along with the sweat generated from the 105 degree temperature.

The teacher came in, I opened my eyes, looked in the mirror and smiled. All I saw was my potential. The reflection smiling back at me encouraged me through every move and I felt such peace in that sweltering room, contorting my body in ways that bulged the fatty tissues.  But I kept looking at the smile in the mirror, and hearing the intention I had set in my head.

Ninety minutes flew by. I'll be back for more tomorrow.